Oh, hell, there’s even a damn song about it, or two. But here’s the truth…
Ready?
BREAKING UP ISN’T HARD TO DO!*
It’s not the actual breaking up that challenges us, that breaks us down. It’s the lead up and aftermath. It’s the fear of, “Oh, fuck…
Was this all a mistake?
Did I waste my time?
How did I get here?
What have I missed?
Am I a bad person?
What will people think?
Will I still be liked?
Will I still be lovable?
What if I regret this move?
What if there’s nothing better?
What if the next one turns out just like this?
What if he/she/it is better without me? Or just better than me?
What if I’m alone?
But what would happen if we just TRUSTED OUR GUT? What would happen if we didn’t ask all those questions coated in fear?
What if we just LET GO?
What if we just said, “THANK YOU”? Thank you.
THANK YOU FOR:
the growing pains
the lessons learned
the teaching opportunities
the surprises
the laughter (there’s always some, at some point)
the tears (they nourish the eyes, which let us see)
the clarity for which he/she/it was a catalyst
the chance to change
“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change. ” – Jim Rohn
I recently broke up with someone. The opportunity to say “thank you” and “goodbye” has been such a gift. To whom, or what, have you recently had an opportunity to say “thank you” and “goodbye,” and how has the change made your life better?
*Getting broken up with is slightly more complicated. I’ll touch on that some other time, but a lot of the above still holds true! xo
Tanya
/ June 22, 2012Nice. Wish someone had told me this 30 years ago! I think children of divorced parents have a harder time with this than anyone. Every breakup feels like a divorce…opening painful old childhood wounds. But it doesn’t have to be that way. I wish it hadn’t been that way. I suffered so deeply through many breakups…and finally a divorce. And actually, the divorce finally led to the personal growth I had been craving all along… I think you should share this post with some therapists!
emmajames
/ June 23, 2012Oh, Tanya, I empathize with the break-up trauma you’ve suffered. I agree that it’s our experiences in childhood – whether it is witnessing poorly managed divorces or poorly managed relationships – that shape our expectations for our own relationships and break-ups. And that’s the key – our EXPECTATIONS. Our baggage. Our anticipatory fear. Because the moments themselves, OUR moments, as adults, can be so very different if we let go of the stories in our heads about how they’re going to unfold.
Thank you for sharing here! xo