Candle Light

by jalalspages/flickr

I came home last night and lit a candle, not one of the nice ones but rather the battered, shapeless ones that has melted irregularly and is near its end. I didn’t light it with any ritual in mind. I wasn’t mourning anything, per se. Nor was I celebrating anything. I simply needed AIR and LIGHT.

It was a crappy day, you see. One in which I was consistently disappointed in myself.

Do you ever have those moments where you step back and think:

Is this really who I am? Is this really who I’ve become? Where is the fight, the moxie, the exuberance? And how did it disappear without me even noticing?

I had one of those moments yesterday. Actually, it was more like a string of moments that made up my entire Monday.

I certainly admire the efficiency of my brain to just stick with one genre – DEFEATIST CRAPOLA.

By the time I got home at dusk, I’d had enough. So I lit a candle.

And you know what? Lighting that candle did not result in the Old Spice man arriving on my doorstep.

It did not illuminate my future. It did not change my past.

But as the flame danced around in search of oxygen, I found some as well.

What amazing power a deep breath contains, don’t you think?

I took one.

Don’t you want to take one too?

xo

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by on April 6, 2010  •  Permalink
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Posted by emmajames on April 6, 2010

http://pleasurenotes.com/candle-light/

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6 Comments

  1. Ally

     /  April 6, 2010

    Well said. I agree — sometimes taking a moment to breathe is just what it takes to shake off Defeatist Crapola’s sorry attitude.
    .-= Ally´s last blog ..Blackwater Falls =-.

    • emmajames

       /  April 11, 2010

      Ally: We really just all need to breathe more. I think that’s the lesson I keep having to be hit over the head with, again and again. :)

  2. anja

     /  April 10, 2010

    dear emma,
    it`s been a while since i have been here so i have a lot of catching up to do. as your comment on my last post was very uplifting to me, i would like to ask you for your suppost for this very personal project of mine. pass on the link if you feel it`s worthwhile, whatever you think is good. i´d be very thankful for your help and support.
    best from berlin,
    anja
    http://missyerem.blogspot.com/2010/04/claustrophobia-project-lemon-curd-and.html
    .-= anja´s last blog ..the claustrophobia project, lemon curd and all the help i can get =-.

    • emmajames

       /  April 11, 2010

      Anja: I think your Claustophobia project is fantastic and I’m sending tons of good juju and support. I’ve been thinking about you a ton and I’m very glad you’ve come back for a visit. Hang in there, chica, you are part of the tribe. :)

  3. whollyjeanne

     /  April 19, 2010

    okay, look. i’ve been off the blogdar for a while, so i’m catching up by working my way backwards here. what i just said about changing the focus of your blog? forget it. just keep being real. this is a lovely post. a breath of non-pollenated air.
    .-= whollyjeanne´s last blog ..different branches? trees? forests? =-.

    • emmajames

       /  April 20, 2010

      Jeanne: I’m rolling on the floor, laughing, here. I’ve read your comments in the order in which you left them and the journey has been awesome. Thank you for that, and for every sentiment expressed! Love you to bits :)