I am not a domestic diva. My idea of cooking is toaster-broiling a deboned, skinned chicken wedge or opening up a bag of pre-washed salad fixings. If I can eat a meal without dirtying a single pan, I am a happy camper. But every once in a while, usually after a particularly bumpy ride on the roller coaster of life, I get an itch to do some baking, to mush up sugar with butter and to decorate stuff with nonpareils. Actually, it’s ALL about the nonpareils or, as I like to call them, those little-pretty-colored-candy-ball-thingies. Sometimes, I just really want to shake those little suckers and see them bounce. Last week, that urge turned into a full-on proverbial rash. So, I made cupcakes.
My Cupcake
Clearly I will never get a job at Sprinkles. I used Betty Crocker’s lemon cake mix, Betty Crocker’s pre-made vanilla icing and Betty Crocker nonpariels. I followed the directions. I even remembered to turn off the mixer before pulling it from the bowl.
But Betty forgot to emphasize that batter behaves like The Blob as it cooks. She failed to mention that paper cupcake holders do not retain their form if placed on a cookie sheet instead of in a muffin tin. She neglected to insist that people like me only be allowed in the kitchen with supervision.
My cupcakes baked into pancakes.
Cupcake in Profile
What does one do with 24 very tasty, but deformed, lemon cupcakes covered in thick icing and generously decorated with nonpariels – particularly since, once I’d done my sprinkle-shaking, my enthusiasm for the entire venture morphed into mild shame at the visual outcome?
I couldn’t let these poor step-children suffer the ridicule of my co-workers, knowing their complete lack of aesthetic appeal. I couldn’t keep them in the house, knowing they might all disappear within the generous space of three meals. I couldn’t relegate them to the dumpster, knowing I’d only be enabling the local raccoons’ sugar addictions. So, instead, I hid them under tin foil and gave them to my next door neighbors of 2 years, whose names I do not know.
Lo and behold, my neighbors loved my dear, misshapen cupcakes. Now, they think I’m the best neighbor, ever. They’ve even made a point of seeking me out with offers to eat more of my cupcakes whenever I choose to make them again.
This whole experience has taught me a few things. First, 24 cupcakes translates into a LOT of cupcakes. Also, there’s some truth to that old adage about finding pleasure in the simple things, and joy in the kitchen. Lastly, people are surprisingly jovial after you unexpectedly feed them dessert.
Now, if only I could remember my neighbors’ names…
Liebchen
/ March 24, 2009So the cupcakes are a little oblong…I’m willing to bet that it doesn’t affect their deliciousness at all.
Liebchen’s last blog post..These days, I wish I was six again*
justjp
/ March 24, 2009Sweet! One day we should team up and throw down on some Key lime cheesecake!
justjp’s last blog post..If only there was a sign…
nat @ book, line, and sinker
/ March 24, 2009okay…are you telling me you baked cupcakes on a COOKIE SHEET?! i’m dying with laughter. i am a nightmare in the kitchen, but even i own a set of cupcake tins. hee hee hee. you’re too funny. i thought the first picture was a leaf-shaped cookie. you’re an individual! yay!
emmajames
/ March 25, 2009Liebchen: You are absolutely correct. In fact, I think they were better because there was no guilt associated with destroying their beauty.
JP: You are on. I’ve always wanted to know where the keys fit in. Do they have to be house keys?
Nat: Um, yes, that is exactly what I did. If I had tried to create a leaf-shaped cookie, I’m afraid it might have morphed into a leaf blower-shaped cracker. Welcome to Pleasure Notes and my mad skillz. I promise to reveal ever more remarkable talents.
LiLu
/ March 25, 2009This rang especially true for me, as my grandmother’s name is actually Betty and she was a Home Ec teacher for 50 years. Try living up to that…
LiLu’s last blog post..Sometimes Love is Spine-y.
onemoreoption
/ March 25, 2009Very fun. Very funny.
emmajames
/ March 26, 2009LiLu: Oh god, I’d be a puddled mess on the kitchen floor with that kind of pressure. Thank goodness my grandmothers’ names were Sarah and Rosemary. I haven’t disappointed Sara Lee yet.
emmajames
/ March 26, 2009OMO: Thanks. And welcome to Pleasure Notes.
Kat
/ March 28, 2009That has to be the funniest thing I’ve seen or heard in a long time. Flattened cupcakes…crazy. Then again, I just now, finished a cupcake from Yummy. My friend is a bit addicted to cupcakes and made me take her there while they were still open. Mind you, she still had one from Crumbs sitting at home while she purchased two more. Me, I think I need to just walk away from all things cupcakes.
Kat’s last blog post..You’ll Think of Me
calimama@compactbydesign
/ April 1, 2009I’m exhausted and I needed a good laugh. Thank you. You did give me an idea though. I sometimes make pancakes and freeze the extras for toasting another day. What if I just added some of the frosting hiding in the back of my fridge for a home-made toaster pop-up? Hmmm, think I’ll have to make pancakes tomorrow so I can try it!
calimama@compactbydesign’s last blog post..grow right
emmajames
/ April 5, 2009Kat: Yummy’s Vanilla Rolled Sprinkle cupcake looks exactly the way I imagined mine would look. Alas, it was not to be. But mine did taste better!
Calimama: That sounds totally delicious. You have a very lucky family. I would do the same thing, except god knows how pancakes would turn out if I tried to make them!