I’ve just spent a week in Boston to help out my newly pregnant, severely nauseous, and head-cold-suffering sister-in-law keep tabs on my adorable, brilliant and exuberant 2-1/2 year old niece while my brother was out of town. It has been one of the most delightful, simple and exhausting weeks of my life.
Having spent my entire adulthood living hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away from my family, the days and nights when I am with them hold particular significance. Getting to watch the little girl who slays my heart every single day from morning til night for numerous days in succession is a rare privilege. Slipping into leisurely and spontaneous conversations with my sister-in-law over piles of clean laundry is just as special. Watching the ground-shaking joy that lit up my niece’s face and enveloped all of us when my brother arrived home last night is a memory I will treasure.
My heart expands. My throat tightens. It is love.
I’ve always been fiercely independent, perhaps too much so. Only recently have I realized been struck dumb by the awareness of how very much I miss the unique community that family provides. The tight, protective hug I receive from my brother. The giggle shared with my sister-in-law. The cuddles and stern instructions given to me by my niece. I want these things in my life more than once every year or so.
I miss my family. Terribly. Now I must act on that awareness.
What is your view of family – the one you grew up with rather than the one with whom you share a home? Is your engagement with your family what you wish it to be? How would you change it? And what about it do you value?
Peregrine John
/ March 3, 2010My family was described by several of my friends, when I was a teen, as really weirdly “healthy” – and they didn’t mean disease-free. There was a remarkable lack of dysfunction, probably caused by an unfortunately rare combination of honesty and love.
emmajames
/ March 4, 2010John: What a gift! My family would definitely not have been categorized as such, but I love them to bits nonetheless… or perhaps it is because of their bits of dysfunction as well.
Mandi
/ March 3, 2010I could have written that post myself — I’m currently visiting my family and hanging out with my 4 year old nephew and his brand new baby brother. It pains me so much that at the end of the week I’m going to fly home, over 5000 miles away and maybe not see them for another year. The distance is just part of the equation right now, but I’m determined to find a way to stay in their hearts and not miss their childhoods.
emmajames
/ March 4, 2010Mandi: Enjoy each moment of your trip! And congrats on the new arrival to your family
molly
/ March 3, 2010So happy for you that you had some happy heart family time!! I live very close to my family, physically and mentally. A lot of the time I feel like that’s all I want — to be close to my family, have my sweet friends and live a simple life. It’s honestly a constant battle with myself – the whole going out and doing a billion things vs. hanging out with those I love. I guess it’s all about balance and incorporating the two together.
.-= molly´s last blog ..slacker sunday: revisited. =-.
emmajames
/ March 4, 2010Molly: You are truly lucky to live near your family, and by choice! Balance is such a challenge for me, in every aspect of my life, so I get it, I definitely get it.
Ally B
/ March 3, 2010I love my family. My brother (he’s always been the independent one) is going through a “finding himself” phase where he is choosing to separate himself from us. I understand and try to accept it, (and respect it) but it’s so very hard. To be completely honest, it’s breaking my heart…
.-= Ally B´s last blog ..So Not Pretty… *At All* =-.
emmajames
/ March 4, 2010Ally B: It’s tough to let your loved ones travel their own journeys, especially if it makes them distant or causes emotional pain. Having spent a great deal of time “finding myself” by keeping separate, I can only give you the hope, via my own experience, that he will return to the fold and be better for having made the trip. Hang on to that in the midst of picking up the pieces of your heart.
egan
/ March 3, 2010The charms of a two and a half year old girl are undeniable. I don’t know, that’s how it seems to be with my girl at least. She is so much fun right now with all the imaginary scenarios she creates each day. She took junk mail and sild it between the door crack by the hinge and said she was paying for stuff. Yes, she’s copying me when I pay with things using my debit card.
Family, I will leave it at that. So much can be said (good and bad) about family.
emmajames
/ March 4, 2010Egan: Oh, that’s adorable! Just wait til she’s using the real thing, and it IS your debit card…
verybadcat
/ March 5, 2010I love that sense of knowing, of belonging that only comes from genetics and decades together.
Like when my parents are bantering and bickering and being ridic and I hear my own mannerisms and inflection in their voices. Or when I say something to my sister on the phone and she spits her Coke out, because I sound just like my Dad. Or when we’re all together, and it’s silly pandemonium, and I look around in awe, with a deep deep knowledge that I wasn’t fathered by the milkman. These are my people, and these are the ways of my people.
.-= verybadcat´s last blog ..The Waiting =-.
emmajames
/ March 7, 2010VBC: I love that your sister spits out her Coke when you sound just like your Dad. So warm and fuzzy! I like the ways of your people. Good people.