Half-Life

by Cade/flickr

I celebrated a birthday a few weeks ago, my 41st. I’ve now lived about half my life, if I’m lucky! It’s such a strange realization, and makes me very reflective. Have I lived my half-life well? Have I accomplished a sufficient amount thus far, made a big enough splash, done the right things? Am I prepared for the next half?

When I was a kid, adulthood held a magical quality to it. It was something I yearned to reach. I was convinced all the answers were found there… as if it was a tangible place. I’ve since learned it’s just a myth, like CAMELOT. There is no arrival. There is no tangibility. There is no bucket of answers.

When I was a kid, I also heard a lot of talk about THE MID-LIFE CRISIS. It sounded like an urban legend. Or an excuse. Something people used to justify giving up on their marriages or their jobs or their parental duties. It never occurred to me that it could actually be real, much less a good thing.

I’ve spent a few years now dabbling in Adulthood. I’m not required to visit often as a) I’m single, b) I have no children and c) I live in Hollywood – land of eternal immaturity youth. I mostly dance around the edges of it. I find myself shocked and awed when I meet someone who doesn’t utilize “like” as every fifth word or who actually appears comfortable in a business suit. I still secretly feel like I’m playing dress-up every time I put on a pair of 3-inch heels… and I wait for the face-plant.

I’ve also spent some time duking it out with Mid-Life Crisis. To my surprise and delight, it hasn’t all been one-two punches.  I’ve done a fair bit of dodging and feinting too. MLC is a wily SOB, but I’ve discovered that I’m incredibly grateful for my time in the ring. Turns out, there is tremendous value gained by all the searching, second-guessing, comparing, wanting, questioning, demanding and stumbling I’ve done… I’ve been able to gorge on it and reach the point at which I’ve had my fill.

I’ve reached the half-way mark on my journey. I’m pausing at the overlook. What I see behind me is a vast landscape of jagged mountains, tropical playgrounds, calm oases and barren deserts. Obstacles and clearings. Timidly drawn, single width, circuitous pathways and wide open, well-worn straightaways. A world of experiences, none of which I would bypass if I had it to trudge over again. When I look forward, I see uncharted territory and butterflies start fluttering under my skin.

by Laura Mary / flickr

I’m about to take a job that I’m really excited about, a job which, only a few years ago, I would have never considered.

I’m listening to myself – that gut voice or sixth sense or intuition or whatever you wanna call it – which whispers heart desires.

I’m apologizing less and laughing more.

And I’ve taken off the boxing gloves. Without them, I pause before lashing out – at the world and at myself. After all, without the padding, the punches are much more painful. If I’ve learned one thing by now, it’s this: “No Pain, No Gain” isn’t meant to be translated as “Pain is Good.” It simply means DON’T SHY AWAY FROM LIFE. I would have chosen different words with which to spread the message, but I entirely agree now with the sentiment. I’m acting on it incredibly imperfectly, but I BELIEVE IT.

So, am I prepared for the next half-life? As prepared as I’ll ever be!