Landing
After being catapulted into total emotional nakedness last week, I’ve been struggling to figure out what to wear. One of my blogging compatriots, Karen, wisely pegged my dilemma in a recent, and much appreciated, shout-out that mentioned the potential to feel isolated after sharing big. I’ve definitely been in hibernation mode the last few days, which is a bit ironic (in the Alanis Morrissette kind of way) since I’m back in temperature-controlled Los Angeles after spending 11 days in frigid, beautiful Colorado.
Side note: I had been toying with the idea of perhaps moving to Colorado. Being greeted by sub-freezing temperatures is an incredibly effective deterrent. I’m still undecided, but holy-mercury-free-mackerel that kind of cold can be some misery!
What I’ve discovered been reminded of (yet again!) is that there are only two activities that are guaranteed to return me to my self and settle me – physically, emotionally, mentally, and metaphorically.
- TAKING A BREATH. How often do you breathe, consciously? If you’re like me, the answer is: not often enough. In fact, every time I see the words “breathe” or “breath” in print, I suddenly feel compelled to inhale deeply, only to discover that until that moment I’d barely been using my lungs. I hold my breath all the time without being aware of the prison I’m creating for my body. Or I maintain a very shallow breath. Why? Is it an unconscious attempt to be smaller, quieter, less? I certainly feel more real, more tangible, more alive when I breathe deeply. Why wouldn’t I want to feel like that all the time? Because it takes effort. LIFE TAKES EFFORT. Ain’t that a bitch?
- ENGAGING WITH NATURE. When was the last time you walked barefoot in the grass just to feel the spring and prickle of each blade against your instep, or gently ran your bare hand through a pile of freshly fallen snow just to feel it slowly melt, or stood to watch a full sunset from start to finish with no other intention other than acknowledgment of its beauty? Whenever I take time to truly commune with nature, whether it be for the minute it takes to feel rough tree bark against my palm or the hour it takes to watch the sun sink behind the waves on the horizon, I am brought back to my self. My mind clears. I become right-sized – neither too small nor too big.
by Jesus de Blas/flickr
I’ve spent the past few days doing these two activities, with varying degrees of success, and I’m beginning to finally feel like I’ve landed. Or at least the wheels have been lowered. I’m not even going to worry about how far I am from the gate. I have nowhere I need to be but here.
What about you?
it takes a while, so go gently and be gentle. while cathartic to write something like you did (and incredibly helpful to so many others – many of whom you may never know you touched), there are ripple effects and collateral events that make it advisable and understandable and desirable to tuck back in for a while afterwards. so do the turtle thing as long as you need, but don’t ever, ever forget that we’re here. always.
whollyjeanne´s last blog ..contagion
Jeanne: Thank you, once again, for sharing your wisdom and support. I truly appreciate it. xo
Breathing with you my friend.
Alana´s last blog ..A new life for a new year
Alana: Yep, deep, calming breaths. We all need them.
xo
ohmyword, came here to see what you’re up to and saw my own name – gasp (of sweet, smiley joy) .
I got tears in my eyes reading the breath thing and the nature thing – and was surprised at that (tearfulness..about breathing and nature – going to ponder that later)
but oohhhhh – i do the same thing with breathing — notice all of a sudden that I haven’t been (and it’s part of my mindfulness deal to pay attention to breathing big time-but..sigh..i forget)
and forget how much nature (particularly water, for me) brings me back to who i am — thanks for this, dear one!!
Square-Peg Karen´s last blog ..Open Hearts, Open Hands
Karen: You are most very welcome. You have been and continue to be a godsend. xo
p.s. glad you’re home safe and sound, and i’ll be interested to hear what you decide about moving.
p.p.s. what jeanne said – you sent out ripples, gal – you’ll never know how many people you touched with your open-ness.
Square-Peg Karen´s last blog ..Open Hearts, Open Hands
Karen: First, Jeanne rocks my world. She can say anything and I’ll take it as gospel. Second, I have definitely felt the ripples, and continue to feel them. All I can do is continue to express my gratitude and awe of the people with whom I cross paths. The truths that have been told to me the past few weeks are such beautiful proof that speaking up and out heals.