Making an Outline

It seems this is the week I’m consistently inspired by others’ blogs. Today’s ramblings are all Doniree’s fault. She’s gotten me thinking about how “I got so independent that I forgot how to let someone else in,” to quote her firecracker wisdom. It’s entirely true. I have over twenty years of independence, very little of it shared with anyone. I have no idea anymore how to move over and give someone else room to sit down and stay awhile. Yesterday, I said I wanted to change the theme in the next chapter of my life. Today, I realized if the chapter is going to be any good, a bit of planning needs to be done. I must outline what I HAVE and what I WANT…

Maybe I’ll go alphabetize my bookcase and clean the bathroom…

Why is articulating what we WANT so very intimidating? It’s such a powerful exercise. Taking this action doesn’t GUARANTEE an outcome as conceived. That’s what stops me from doing it. Why be vulnerable? Why reveal my dreams if they might not come true?

What if I thought of dreams as gusts of wind or rays of sunlight? A gust of wind will move something even if it’s not what I wanted moved or not in the direction toward which I was aiming. A ray of sunlight will help something grow even if what grows reveals itself to be a different species from the one I planted.

I wholeheartedly embrace movement and growth!

So what, in all my independence, have I learned about myself that I value and want to keep with me as I make room for someone else?

Actually, I kinda love who I’m becoming, who I’ve become. I’m not much of a drinker, but I’ll appreciate a nice glass of wine that accompanies a special meal. I love curling up on the couch to read a good book or watch engaging television. I’m equally happy wandering through a gallery or museum exhibit. I think real travel requires a passport and the expectation of hearing a foreign language; very little gives me as much of a thrill as traveling to places I’ve never before been. I go nutty if I don’t write and/or if the sun doesn’t shine for more than a couple of days. I really, really like yoga pants. I cry in joy and sadness. I enjoy watching sports, but I don’t care to make it a habit. I have no desire to ever enter another gym. My girlfriends are my lifeline. I need time entirely along, and space entirely my own.

I WANT a man who embraces my independence and loves me for my loves. I want a man who has the same eagerness to explore the world in order to understand the world, who empathizes with others’ pain and who knows how to transform it into joy. I want a man who reads books, and not just the ones found at an airport seller. I want a man who LAUGHS, with me, not at me and definitely not at others. I want a man who can access emotional greys and is willing to teach me about them. I want a man who sees in color. I want a man who is equally awestruck by the ocean and the mountains, but even more so by me. I want a man who sees me, hears me and feels me, one I can and WANT TO see, hear and feel as well.

Now, I just wonder where he is…

Does this feel kind of like you landed on a dating site? Sorry about that! My point is not to subject you to my want ad– well, actually, that IS my point. I’m learning to articulate what I WANT, and encourage you to do the same, whether it be in a relationship, career or simple dinner order.

Do you have what you want? If so, what is it? If not, articulate it now!

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