I lived in Brazil when I was eighteen, as an exchange student. I spent many hours in the kitchen with the mother in my host family my Brazilian mom. I learned to speak Portuguese in that kitchen. I learned about the family. I learned about Brazilian culture. I shared hopes, fears and dreams with this amazing, tiny, feisty woman who had welcomed me into her home for a year. I watched as, every day, she cooked amazing mid-day and evening meals from scratch – no boxed mixes or frozen dinners or prepped salad fixings. When I had to return to the United States, I left a piece of my heart in that kitchen. And I took with me a book I’d started, of my favorite recipes.
the recipe book
I’ve kept this recipe book for 22 years, but I’ve never used it.
Until yesterday.
I have no idea why I was suddenly struck with the impulse to open it up and make my favorite Brazilian dessert.
Partly, I think it was because I have a book club meeting this afternoon and needed to bring a dish. I don’t normally make anything; I rely on Trader Joe’s to see me through the potluck experience while others in the group out-do themselves with culinary masterpieces. I’m getting a little irritated with my own status-quo, however. I no longer get any pleasure from the “non-cook” moniker. In fact, I secretly resent it now. Also, after not eating chocolate for three years, I’m letting it court me again. Then there’s the little issue of not having read the book we’re supposed to discuss today. Is it wrong to try to distract everyone from that tidbit of news with a coma-inducing sweet?
Or did I do it because I’m feeling nostalgic about my care-free, travel-heavy, debt-free youth?
I have been making an attempt to act on my impulsive, fleeting thoughts. Perhaps that is why I opened up the book – the idea entered my head. Could it really be as simple as that?
Regardless, I DID pull out the receitas and found the recipe I wanted:
YUM!
BRIGADEIRO. Little balls of sin.
(does ANYONE still not get the correlation between chocolate and sex?)
The recipe is written in Portuguese because that was the only language I was speaking by the end of my stay in Brazil. My handwriting reflects the exaggerated bubble print many teen girls adopted in the ’80s. The cooking instructions fail to mention the temperature at which everything should be cooked or the best way to create the finished product. The quantity of each ingredient is vague because my Brazilian mom didn’t measure anything.
Of course, you already know this is going to be a disaster, right?
the recipe
This is my translation of the recipe:
BRIGADEIRO
Ingredients: 3 soup spoons of chocolate powder, 2 soup spoons of butter, 1 can condensed milk.
Instructions: Put everything in a pan and mix it with a wooden spoon until you can see the bottom of the pan. Let cool. Roll it and pass it in granulated chocolate.
Um… Okay…
I have a pan. I have a wooden spoon. I have all the ingredients.
Except I think I put only two spoonfuls of chocolate powder in the pan instead of three, but I made them heaping because I wasn’t sure whether they were supposed to be measured or not and I’m not sure my soup spoons are the same size as the ones we used in that Brazilian kitchen 22 years ago.
I mix constantly but I can see the bottom of the pan from the very beginning so I have no idea when I’m supposed to stop stirring. I put it on medium heat because, well, it’s medium. I know I’m going to have to roll the stuff into little balls after it cools and I know what the finished product is supposed to look like but the chocolate liquid starts to boil and OH MY GOD CAN CHOCOLATE BURN?
I make a completely uneducated guess as to when to stop. I take the pot off the stove, even though the recipe doesn’t say that, because I’m thinking there’s a better chance it will cool that way and the recipe says to let it cool.
I wait half an hour.
I stick a spoon in the mixture to retrieve enough to roll into a ball and WOW IT’S STICKY. I realize the bottom of the pan is still hot. I stick it in the refrigerator. It then occurs to me that condensation might form which would make it MORE liquidy rather than less so. I pull it back out of the frig and stick it back on the counter.
I wait another hour.
I try to make a ball again from the mixture. I ignore the fact the it is the same consistency that it was an hour previously. I refuse to be defeated by the fact that the stuff seems to prefer to remain on my fingers than form a ball. I begin dumping blobs of it into a bowl of chocolate sprinkles.
Blobs are similar to balls, right? (do not even THINK about making a correlation between that question and how long it’s been since I’ve had sex!)
I use up FOUR BOTTLES of chocolate sprinkles in a vain attempt to give the substance some structure.
I end up with monstrosities.
shabby brigadeiro
And I suddenly remember the hostess of this month’s book club only eats a macrobiotic diet.
I eat one of my brigadeiros in despair.
Revelation! Ugly is GOOD.
Excuse me as I slip blissfully into sugar shock…
LA Cochran
/ April 11, 2010They may look ugly but with those ingredients I’ll bet they’re spectacular! Great story!
.-= LA Cochran´s last blog .."Don’t you know I had a dream last night that you were here with me" –Jim Croce =-.
emmajames
/ April 11, 2010LAC: Thanks! And they really were
Adam
/ April 11, 2010I think the rule of ugly is good goes for French cooking as well. Fantastic story, well done.
emmajames
/ April 11, 2010Adam: Oh, I LOVE that! I’ve never heard that rule, but I embrace it wholeheartedly. And welcome to PN!
Amy --- Just A Titch
/ April 11, 2010Those look and sound amazing…YUM.
emmajames
/ April 11, 2010Amy: Hee hee… I appreciate your flattery. It will get you everywhere.
Lindsay
/ April 11, 2010Hahahaha. Ugly is good, ugly is good, ugly is good. I imagine you reciting this as a mantra.
This makes me want to move to Brazil.
emmajames
/ April 11, 2010Lindsay: The mantra is applicable to so much, I’m considering having it tattooed… somewhere. And I highly recommend living in Brazil, or at least visiting. It’s an absolutely incredible country and an even more amazing people, based on my experience.
Jenn
/ April 11, 2010You cooked! They may look ugly, but they sound oh, so scrumptious. I want one. Congrats on stepping into unfamiliar territory. As for vague measurements – that’s how some of the best recipes are made. I rarely use my measuring spoons anymore. It’s much more fun to jugde on taste that exact amounts. Save me one, okay?
emmajames
/ April 11, 2010Jenn: I’ll definitely make another batch for you to test – and hopefully they won’t be quite so ugly next time!
Square-Peg Karen
/ April 11, 2010You totally surprised me here, Em — i started reading thinking you were going to say how happy you were with how the cooking went – how it wrapped you in bitter-sweet memories…
I started to hold my breath part way thru – and then actually laughed reading that you’d been seeing the pan bottom from the beginning (I wondered what that meant when i read your recipe)…and, ohmy! the blobs…
I have SO been there (and can’t even blame my cooking “fun” on translation issues) — love how you rolled with it (no correlation between this and sex lives – yours or mine – intended)…
And you’ve cured my nervousness about an upcoming book club meeting – I’m a book club virgin, but am now thinking: “ohmyword, there will be cool women like Em there!! yea!!!”
But I’ve got to ask this — 4, you had FOUR bottles of chocolate sprinkles in your cabinet??
Great post!!!
.-= Square-Peg Karen´s last blog ..Another Freakin’ Feel-Good Friday! =-.
emmajames
/ April 11, 2010Karen: Oh, I LOVE surprising people
And I hope you enjoy your new book club venture as much as I enjoy mine. We’re in our 6th year, and a more amazing group of women you could not possibly wish for – we’ve been through so much life as well as so many books, and even more bottles of wine. Utterly delightful. Let me know how your experience unfolds!
Angie @ Just Like The Number
/ April 11, 2010This just cracked me up! With all the food blogs and their gorgeous finished products, I love seeing what is reality for most of us in the kitchen: a great idea, visions of grandeur, panic, and something that looks nothing like perfectly styled food. And macrobiotic to boot! Love it. In the circles I hang in, we’d eat that stuff straight out of the bowl. It might be ugly, but I bet it’s delicious!
.-= Angie @ Just Like The Number´s last blog ..Inquiring Minds Wanted To Know =-.
emmajames
/ April 11, 2010Angie: I, too, love seeing (and revealing) the reality. I adore some of the gorgeous food blogs but I just roll my eyes at any thought that there’s a connection between those masterpieces and anything I would even attempt. So happy you can relate.
molly
/ April 13, 2010Those look delicious to me! I totally am with you on the whole have an impulse and go with it. I’m trying to be open to more adventure instead of planning everything
.-= molly´s last blog ..i’m alive. =-.
emmajames
/ April 16, 2010Molly: Oh, kudos for that approach – you’ll discover all kinds of beautiful moments with that attitude. I look forward to hearing all about them!
whollyjeanne
/ April 19, 2010lookahere, sugar. i think you need to switch your focus to a cooking blog. this is hersterical. and so real. this post is a flat-out pleasure note. love you.
.-= whollyjeanne´s last blog ..different branches? trees? forests? =-.
emmajames
/ April 20, 2010Jeanne: Thanks chica! The kitchen and I are still very wary of each other. I don’t expect we’ll get past first base for quite a while. But I LOVE the vote of confidence.
Ally
/ April 22, 2010Maybe I’m crazy, but they actually look pretty good to me!
.-= Ally´s last blog ..This or That? Warm Weather Edition =-.
emmajames
/ April 23, 2010Ally: They WERE remarkably photogenic but trust me, they were as sinfully ugly as they were sinfully delicious. And after about five minutes sitting out, they lost all shape. But no one seemed to mind…