Things. What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (via @samdavidson)

I would love to answer these questions with a careless list of 11 tank tops, 11 books, 11 pairs of socks, 11 pieces of jewelry… any eleven physical things that could be easily boxed up and dropped off at Out of the Closet. I’d then ramble about how much more easily my drawers closed or how much neater my bookcase looked or how much less laundry I had to do.

Alas, getting rid of objects is no longer difficult for me.

by cambiodefractal / flickr

Getting rid of IDEAS, however, is a BITCH.

So, I’m inspired to announce eleven ideas I want to toss in the recycle bin in 2011 and never revisit:

1. Finding a man who wants to share his life and love with me, and for whom I feel the same, is directly correlated to my weight.
2. My value to the world is directly correlated to the title on my business card.
3. My value to the world is directly correlated to the size of my bank account.
4. If I’m having fun, I’m not working hard enough.
5. If I seek and/or receive recognition for creative achievements, I’m a narcissist and/or bitch.
6. I’m too old to have a child.
7. I don’t have the energy and/or emotional strength to be a good mom.
8. I’ll never be physically fit again.
9. I’ll never own a home.
10. I’ll never get to Bhutan.
11. I’ll never feel safe and sexual at the same time.

Oh, my lovelies, these are such old, OLD ideas!

Usually, I can talk the talk that would indicate I no longer believe these things, or that the issues they touch upon don’t matter to me anymore. But when I let you peek into the secret chambers of my soul, you’ll see they’re all still perched there – feet up, perfectly comfortable and toasting their victories.

I have no idea how to eliminate them, of course.

If I did – if I really knew how to get rid of them in an organic way, rather than simply knowing the psycho-babble and self-help and Secret and scientific suggestions and advice that anyone in the 21st century with half a brain or magazine subscriptions or a pulse can recite more easily than the contents of their refrigerator – I would have already done so.

But AWARENESS is half the battle, right? Whatever.

And how will my life be changed when these ideas are irrevocably gone?

I have no fucking clue.

But I’m guessing, I’ll be better off.

THAT’S JUST A GUESS.

Stick around and I’ll let you know.

What 11 things do you want to eliminate in 2011? Or do you not want to eliminate anything at all?

• Is this cough tickling my lungs just my imagination, a chest cold, or pneumonia?
• How many dolphins will die as a result of the BP oil spill? Will the rest of the marine population hate us forever and plot a suitable revenge?
• Why does this country still pretend the aggressor is the victim in the Gaza flotilla tragedy and greater Israeli-Palestinian issue, and refuse to call a spade a spade?
• Will I ever get back in shape?
• When will I move past my frustrations with my mother?
• If I never sweep the floor, will the dust bunnies continue to multiply or reach an equilibrium, like goldfish in a tank?
• Will I ever enjoy a work of fiction as much as I enjoyed The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society?
• Do I believe my financial situation can radically change?
• Will I regret it if I delete my Facebook account? What if I delete my LinkedIn account?
• Why won’t people stop telling me about great blogs I’ve missed?
• Why aren’t the FedEx and UPS guys who service my area ever cute?
• Should I rent The Cove tonight, for a good cry of frustration, horror and impotence?
• What should the next piece of jewelry I design for Noted Design look like?
• Why does my cat eat my hair while I sleep?
• Now that I know more about the connection between counterfeit products and human trafficking, thanks to Deluxe, will I stick to my principles and forego the next beautiful Chloe purse knock-off?
• Why does laundry never fucking end?
• Why am I letting my cough/chest cold/pneumonia keep me from grabbing coffee with a friend and heading to a BBQ?
• Why don’t more people refuse to go to war?

It’s a wonder I ever sleep, isn’t it? I think it all justifies my love of romantic comedies, however. Anything to shut off my brain…

Hope you didn’t stub your toe on anything, or get lost in the mayhem.

What would a tour through your head currently look like?

If only money grew on trees.

Or came more frequently and fluidly from the activities I do which feed my soul.*

It’s the gossip that bothers me the most. The tense whispers. The snickers. The HOURS of inane conversation about this or that person. It isn’t all negative, per se. But it is just SO MUCH CLUTTER.

I already have PLENTY of clutter, folks!

Debating for 45 minutes the size of a belt buckle some dude wore on a reality show does NOT improve my life.

Pointing out the flaws of those with whom we sat in a meeting does NOT improve my life.

Clearly, it entertains many people. Perhaps, I am simply too self-centered to understand its merits. All I know is, it exhausts me to overhear it, it bores me to engage in it, and it has the stickiness of oil on a feather.

Now, if someone wants to talk about the tragedy of oil on feathers, I will gladly engage. Unfortunately, that does not seem to be a topic of interest for the office gossip girls.

What’s your take on a little gossip?

***

*Never fear. I am, indeed, working on this being more than an “if only,” with the help of Chris and Danielle and all of you. But it’s all happening at an annoyingly GLACIAL pace!

today's view of my CLEAN kitchen

I’m inching my way toward a huge, life-altering decision within the next month or so. I know I can’t possible have any clarity about which direction to take if I disappear under a pile of junk and disarray.

today's view of my CLEAN desk

In decluttering my home, I’m reminded of how powerfully, and successfully, procrastination and fear incapacity me.

Why is inaction so much easier than action? And why is HAVING good intentions so much more common than ACTING on good intentions?

I can’t seem to shake a pervading and powerful desire to be saved by some fairy godmother or knight in shining armour – saved from my head, my dishes, my clutter, my questions, my fear.

I think I’ll just blame everything on Walt Disney. That’ll fix it. Yep.

Or I could keep cleaning, take some baby steps, complete one action, wake up, and breathe… really, deeply, truly breathe.

What do you do for clarity?

today's view of my desk

Take a wild guess at the state of my brain…

today's view of my kitchen sink

Terrifying, isn’t it?

Tune in tomorrow to see whether my attempt at decluttering both brain and home within the next 24 hours is a success or not. Wish me luck!