Pleasure Notes

by ecotist/flickr

I’ve just leaped into an e-course, Across Mediums, created by Kate Swoboda to nurture creativity. My registration was a prize granted by the lovely Olive & Hope. I thought it would be a piece of cake. After all, I have a drawer full of art supplies, I’m planning to open an Etsy shop in March and the IRS knows me as a writer. I scream CREATIVE, right? Well, kinda. Upon reflection, I’ve realized my creative nature is frequently on the losing side of a constant battle with the part of me that desperately seeks approval.

The art supplies in that drawer are covered in dust. The amount of procrastination that proceeded my current drive to open an Etsy shop is EPIC. The quantity of files stuffed with story ideas far out numbers that of completed scripts, novels or short stories written.

I yearn to be creative EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY. And then fly to the kitchen for food, become obsessed with the dust bunnies under the bed, decide the cat looks lonely as she naps, grab the tv remote, or visit my yawning bank account online.

Anything to avoid the very thing I most want to do.

It’s not a pretty picture.

When I was a child, I wrote fairytales. The letters were backwards. Very little was spelled correctly. The stories were simplistic and usually involve unicorns. And I thought they were wonderful. I drew and painted and sculpted just to draw, paint and sculpt. Creating was A PLEASURE.

Because I wanted to EXPRESS. What? I’m not sure I even knew. I’m pretty confident it didn’t really matter. The moment was the reveal.

Then, at some point, everything changed. FEAR entered the picture. The need for approval. The need to not stand out, make waves, or get too noticed. The need to have a REASON for everything. The need to be BETTER THAN everyone else to be worthy at all. Competitiveness. Resentment. Jealousy. Procrastination. Money.

In the same way that dancing in front of the mirror and talking to my reflection while playing make-believe suddenly became an act of vanity, and then later an opportunity to pick myself apart and pinch the proof of my failings, making art transformed from being an act of pure joy to being not so far removed from a sin.

But I’m done. I’m 40 years old. Half my life (if I’m lucky) has passed. I want to be in communion with my true nature, with my creativity.

But the opponents are entrenched.

So, I’m changing tactics.

What is it they say? For every person called a terrorist, someone can be found who will claim her as a freedom fighter. While neatly (for the moment) side-stepping the socio-political implication of that statement, I must embrace its truth in regard to my approach to creativity. I think it’s time I terrorized myself a bit to ultimately gain creative freedom.

Put another way, I’m ready to walk through the fire and feel the pain of confronting fear, guilt, shame, and whatever else rears its ugly head as I commit to FOCUSED CREATIVITY for the next two weeks and beyond. Hell, maybe I’ll even dance to my reflection in front of the mirror.

What are you doing to embrace your true nature? And when was the last time you played with crayons? Up for some scribbling tonight?

Hello and Happy New Year to you all! I am overflowing with hope and excitement today, thrilled to have sluffed off 2009 and eager to discover what this new year holds for me and for you. I have absolutely no clue where the road will take me in 2010, but I do know that I expect to share every curve, bump, detour, and straight-away with you. First, however, I want to share a little art project, fondly known as a Vision Board.

What is a Vision Board?

It is a visual representation of one’s intentions, hopes and dreams. You can paint, draw, write, collage, sculpt – whatever your heart desires – to express yourself. You can capture images consciously or unconsciously. It is an ENTIRELY PERSONAL exercise.

I prefer to create my vision boards using old magazines I have lying around. I’ve learned that the most honest vision boards are those which I don’t try to manipulate – meaning, I don’t go out and purchase a wedding magazine because I want to be in a committed relationship and I don’t have a list of images or phrases in mind when I begin. Manipulation doesn’t work! Trust me. I tried it last year for the first and only time. Never again. So, instead, this is what you do:

1. Find comfortable place to sit, with pile of magazines within easy reach and cat, dog or children distracted elsewhere.
2. Clear head of everything but excitement, awareness and openness for this year we have just begun.
3. Pick up first magazine, open it, and QUICKLY flip through it page by page.
4. Rip out ANYTHING that catches your eye as inspiring. Rip out the whole page. Don’t question yourself. Don’t hesitate. Just do it. And set it aside.
5. Repeat steps #3 and #4 until you’ve worked your way through all the magazines.
6. Get a piece of cardboard, wood or particle board, of whatever size you have room for in your house – because this project is NOT GOING IN A DRAWER when you are done. The size I use is 16×20, so I can slip it easily into a frame and hang it above my stereo.
7. Return to your pile of ripped out magazine pages. This time, be sure you are armed with scissors. Cut off the excess from whatever image or word caught your eye.
8. Now, grab some glue, tape or rubber cement. The rubber cement works best, in my opinion, but this year I used Elmer’s Glue because it was handy.
9. Start with the biggest images and start gluing. Again, I recommend that you not do much planning ahead of time regarding what looks best where. Simply place glue on a given item and then approach the vision board and let YOUR INTUITION guide where you place the item.
10. I encourage you to use EVERY SINGLE ITEM on your vision board that you originally pulled from the magazines. If, however, something truly doesn’t strike you as inspiring once you’re ready to assemble the board, toss it. Also, don’t be afraid to obscure one image with another. You may have layers upon layers of items.
11. Once your collage is complete, step back and congratulate yourself. You’ve just made physical what is in your heart’s eye.

For added inspiration, here is my vision board from 2009:

2009 Vision Board

And here is my vision board for 2010:

2010 Vision Board

Notice how much more vibrant the one for this year turned out to be? I am in an entirely different place in my life, and this is proof.

Now we’ll just see how 2010 unfolds, shall we? And if you decide to create a vision board of your own, let me know!

What’s the best startup of 2009? What’s a business that you found this year that you love? Who thought it up? What makes it special?

Aw, hell. I’ve been pondering this for hours and I still have no answer. I’m sure my wallet has encountered one startup or another this year, but I haven’t been made aware of it. I have friends who have created startups, but not this year; everyone’s been more focused on simply keeping their head above water. I hope that changes in the new year. In fact, I intend to be part of that change.

by knitalatte11/flickr

I’m still in the early days of development, but this time next year I intend to have a startup of my own up and running. I won’t say any more now, but stay tuned in the coming months as I reveal my plans. I have no Dr. Horrible pretensions, but I’m excited.