Pleasure Notes

I hate being lied to, and I try not to lie. But that isn’t the same thing as being HONEST, is it? Over a month ago, Bonnie from Windshield Thinking honored me with the Honest Scrap award, and I must honestly admit… I LOVE AWARDS. Awards with money attached are even better but, really, any award makes me grin.

Honest Scrap Award

Now, however, I have to come up with ten honest things about myself. Ten things I haven’t previously revealed.

Secrets. Embarrassments. Irrelevancies. Factoids.

HOLY HELL.

1. I really hate cleaning the tub. Now, I’ve never met anyone for whom the activity is joy incarnate. But, I hate it so much, I’m willing to gingerly step between patches of toxic growth to take a shower for far more days than I’d like to admit before pulling out the Ajax.
2. I’ve never had anal sex. And I’m okay with that.
3. I have never changed a tire. And I’m okay with that, too. Until the day I’m stranded, with a flat, along the back roads of Alabama.
4. I have never been to Alabama. Somebody, please tell me what I’m missing. I CAN be convinced to visit, particularly if cash is involved.
5. I have been on the verge of bankruptcy. I do not recommend adding the experience to your list of Intentions.
6. My favorite show on television is Vampire Diaries. I am willing to forego the need for accomplished acting or well-written dialogue when eye candy is involved. I also like having an excuse to let my 15-year-old girlie self SWOON AND ROAR.
7. I haven’t had any coffee this year. And I’m thinking of changing that state of being. Pronto.
8. I have panic attacks. I haven’t always had them. They are something I’ve adopted only recently. I’m looking to return them to wherever they came from but they have an impressive staying power.
9. I love cleaning out my ears. Screw the recommended advice about how frequently one should do it. EVERY DAY, BABY! I want to kiss the inventor of Q-Tips.
10. I love lists. Especially those upon which I can cross things off. But this kind of list is fun too. At least for me.

How about for you?

Once again, I’m breaking the rules and sending this award out to all of you lovelies who are feeling the need to be particularly honest today, or get something off your chest, or air out your baggage.

What are your secrets? Do tell!

If you were drained of all political fervor in 2008, and you are currently living under a rock, you may not know of Rod Blagojevich. Since most of you do, however, I won’t bother providing his bio here. You may wonder, in fact, why the hell I would even utter his name given his ubiquitous presence on so many other platforms. I only mention him because he is further proof that I am surrounded by liars. And I kind of like it.

Let me explain…

By American Cacher

I am a writer and a rabid observer of human nature. Our foibles, and our attempts to disguise and deny those foibles – by lying – absolutely fascinate me. Lies are rampant in the 21^st century. They are evidence of a hopeless pursuit of perfection and power. Perhaps they are unavoidable. After all, have you ever met anyone who can claim they’ve never told a lie – without lying to make the claim?

Photo by Julius Lim

Watching Mr. Blagojevich compare himself to Gandhi, and attest to caring only for the little people of Illinois, has me shaking my head in wonder and cackling in glee – not because I believe one iota of what comes out of his mouth but rather because the design of his lies is utterly Baroque.

By MasksofVenice.co.uk

On the rare occasion I can force my eyes to lower from the behemoth mass of hair he carries around like a weapon, so I can closely examine his face, two things strike me:

1. I now know the struggle men have in shifting their eyes onto my face, though the effort is in the other direction.
2. Television is better than our public school system at teaching the important things.

Wed. 9pm on FOX

In particular, Lie To Me is a must-see for anyone who values a well-rounded education. For those who have thrown out their televisions in protest over the imminent switch to digital and thereby missed the ad campaign, Lie To Me is a new show on Fox, starring Tim Roth. The premise is, shockingly, that everyone lies and lucky folks like Tim Roth’s character, Dr. Lightman (Light Man – get it?), can tell when the lies are being told. I actually think the show is pretty clever, and Tim Roth is yummy in that slexy kind of way. But the priceless aspect of the show is the weekly lesson it gives in how to uncover a deception. Watch, and you will learn much.

A Dreamworks Film

However, will viewers implement the lessons learned? Do people really want to know when someone is lying? Really? Isn’t there a teensy part of you that secretly hopes the FBI’s got it wrong and Blagojevich is simply a misunderstood dude in need of a stylist? Or that your husband really is stuck at the office instead of stickin’ it somewhere else? Or that the pretty girl truly loves the idea of seeing The Uninvited on your first date?

Novel Cover Art

Heidi Julavits’ latest novel, The Uses of Enchantment, addresses the question of whether lies harm us or save us in an entirely charming manner. The young, female protagonist takes a single action, with far-reaching consequences. The story explores the emotional murk created both by deception and by truth, the damage caused by lying to others and the even greater damage caused by lying to ourselves, and the difficulty we all have in distinguishing whether or not someone’s pants are on fire.

By Huuh/ deviantart.com

Lies makes life interesting. Uncovering lies makes life dangerous. And learning to love someone despite his or her lies makes life worth living. What lie are you telling today?