cherry almond cobbler, with a few bites missing

Anyone who’s been around these parts for a while can attest that I’m not exactly a foodie, much less any sort of chef. I really like kitchen utensils and I love to eat but ovens intimidate me and I still have no idea why the Dutch are so frequently involved in their usage. That being said, I found myself compelled to bake something a few nights ago.

I went cherry picking last weekend, got a wee bit overzealous in my hunt for the perfect specimen and ended up with a gazillion fresh cherries in my house. This, I quickly discovered, became tantamount to torture because, since my diagnosis, I can no longer plop down on a couch and happily consume pounds of fruit in one sitting. I knew I had to do something, and fast.

By happenstance, I recently discovered a new blog Honey + Jam and, lo-and-behold, Hannah decided to post a recipe for Cherry Almond Crumble this week.

How’s that for karma or coincidence or… just dumb luck?

I GOT INSPIRED!

I also got kind of confused. If you take a look at Hannah’s recipe she mentions light brown sugar and dark brown sugar. I haven’t a clue what the difference is between the two so decided it couldn’t possibly matter that much. Also, the inclusion of almond extract in the ingredients list intimidated me a bit – what, exactly, is that and where the hell would one find it? Trader Joe’s does not carry it. So I concluded it couldn’t be that important. Also, I only had a partial stick of butter in the fridge. Maybe if I melted it really slowly and lovingly, I could stretch out its strength? I was even gonna skip the corn starch because, once again, the aisles of Trader Joe’s did not produce that particular item. Imagine my utter shock at discovering I actually had a tin of it on the top kitchen cabinet shelf – the one that requires I climb my drawers and balance precariously on my slippery tiled counter to reach. Yippee! I still don’t understand what corn starch is or what it does BUT I OWN IT.

So I gathered my hodge-podge ingredients and began to assemble my masterpiece at 11 p.m. on a Tuesday. Chaos ensued. And then, vindication.

THE DISH IS EDIBLE!

It’s actually entirely yummy.

A few concluding notes:

1. Cherry Almond Crumble probably tastes even better if you include all the listed ingredients.
2. A cherry pitter thingamajig might come in handy. I did all the pitting by hand and ended up looking like I’d massacred my cat.

What’s your latest kitchen feat or fiasco?

the recipe book

I’ve kept this recipe book for 22 years, but I’ve never used it.

Until yesterday.

I have no idea why I was suddenly struck with the impulse to open it up and make my favorite Brazilian dessert.

Partly, I think it was because I have a book club meeting this afternoon and needed to bring a dish. I don’t normally make anything; I rely on Trader Joe’s to see me through the potluck experience while others in the group out-do themselves with culinary masterpieces. I’m getting a little irritated with my own status-quo, however. I no longer get any pleasure from the “non-cook” moniker. In fact, I secretly resent it now. Also, after not eating chocolate for three years, I’m letting it court me again. Then there’s the little issue of not having read the book we’re supposed to discuss today. Is it wrong to try to distract everyone from that tidbit of news with a coma-inducing sweet?

Or did I do it because I’m feeling nostalgic about my care-free, travel-heavy, debt-free youth?

I have been making an attempt to act on my impulsive, fleeting thoughts. Perhaps that is why I opened up the book – the idea entered my head. Could it really be as simple as that?

Regardless, I DID pull out the receitas and found the recipe I wanted:

YUM!

BRIGADEIRO. Little balls of sin.

(does ANYONE still not get the correlation between chocolate and sex?)

The recipe is written in Portuguese because that was the only language I was speaking by the end of my stay in Brazil. My handwriting reflects the exaggerated bubble print many teen girls adopted in the ’80s. The cooking instructions fail to mention the temperature at which everything should be cooked or the best way to create the finished product. The quantity of each ingredient is vague because my Brazilian mom didn’t measure anything.

Of course, you already know this is going to be a disaster, right?

the recipe

This is my translation of the recipe:

BRIGADEIRO

Ingredients: 3 soup spoons of chocolate powder, 2 soup spoons of butter, 1 can condensed milk.

Instructions: Put everything in a pan and mix it with a wooden spoon until you can see the bottom of the pan. Let cool. Roll it and pass it in granulated chocolate.

Um… Okay…

I have a pan. I have a wooden spoon. I have all the ingredients.

Except I think I put only two spoonfuls of chocolate powder in the pan instead of three, but I made them heaping because I wasn’t sure whether they were supposed to be measured or not and I’m not sure my soup spoons are the same size as the ones we used in that Brazilian kitchen 22 years ago.

I mix constantly but I can see the bottom of the pan from the very beginning so I have no idea when I’m supposed to stop stirring. I put it on medium heat because, well, it’s medium. I know I’m going to have to roll the stuff into little balls after it cools and I know what the finished product is supposed to look like but the chocolate liquid starts to boil and OH MY GOD CAN CHOCOLATE BURN?

I make a completely uneducated guess as to when to stop. I take the pot off the stove, even though the recipe doesn’t say that, because I’m thinking there’s a better chance it will cool that way and the recipe says to let it cool.

I wait half an hour.

I stick a spoon in the mixture to retrieve enough to roll into a ball and WOW IT’S STICKY. I realize the bottom of the pan is still hot. I stick it in the refrigerator. It then occurs to me that condensation might form which would make it MORE liquidy rather than less so. I pull it back out of the frig and stick it back on the counter.

I wait another hour.

I try to make a ball again from the mixture. I ignore the fact the it is the same consistency that it was an hour previously. I refuse to be defeated by the fact that the stuff seems to prefer to remain on my fingers than form a ball. I begin dumping blobs of it into a bowl of chocolate sprinkles.

Blobs are similar to balls, right? (do not even THINK about making a correlation between that question and how long it’s been since I’ve had sex!)

I use up FOUR BOTTLES of chocolate sprinkles in a vain attempt to give the substance some structure.

I end up with monstrosities.

shabby brigadeiro

And I suddenly remember the hostess of this month’s book club only eats a macrobiotic diet.

I eat one of my brigadeiros in despair.

Revelation! Ugly is GOOD.

Excuse me as I slip blissfully into sugar shock…