I live in an apartment building. The arrangement inspired the following, but it is a work of fiction…
by Dave Wilson Photography/flickr
When All the World’s Asleep
Sometimes I hear the weeping, and I don’t know what to do.
Should I call the cops? Would I even get through?
They say a 9-1-1 operator fell asleep on the phone.
Could be an urban legend. Then again, who really knows?
***
You hear those stories of collateral damage. I’ve been told a few –
Where some idiot Good Samaritan decides the noise is his clue,
And tries to be a hero. Instead he ends up dead.
That’s not on my agenda. Smarter to just stay in bed.
***
Besides, the weeping could be anything, or accessed on cue.
It’s a town of actresses, right? So, what’s really true?
Can I sit and do nothing? Turns out, it’s not that hard at all.
I just mind my own business, and stay on this side of the wall.
***
So when the cops band on my door one night, at half past two,
To tell me the neighbor crushed his girlfriend, and killed himself too,
I can honestly look them in the eye and say “That’s a shame,”
Then sleep like a baby, not feeling an once of blame.
***
After all, people make their own choices, pick their own crews.
I didn’t ask to live next door, or know what I knew.
And my cheek bones aren’t broken. I’m not tasting blood.
I do pity them, though, and thank God I’m not in love.
***
I wrote this to open up the conversation about personal responsibility and community engagement. I’d love to know what you think about the issues.
When are you compelled to step outside your comfort zone to call out someone else’s behavior? Where do you draw the line between personal responsibility and community engagement, between holding your peace and speaking out?
verybadcat
/ January 20, 2010there isn’t any specific set of circumstances for me. it’s a total gut check.
when i lived in an apartment and the couple next door had loud and violent fights, i minded my own business. as long as she was still screaming obscenities at him and throwing shit, i figured it was her deal, not mine.
one night, in the middle of a really nasty fight, there was a very loud thud, and she quit screaming. at all. i called the police, and their neighbors on the other side had already called.
i also said something to a lady in kmart who was being really nasty mean to her kid once. i think it was something like ‘she’s going to hate you when she grows up and realizes how you treated her’. it just reminded me so much of my own mother’s cruel remarks that i could not stand idly by.
for the most part, though, i figure people make their own decisions for better or for worse, and i tend to stay out of the fray.
.-= verybadcat´s last blog ..Any Man of Mine =-.
emmajames
/ January 20, 2010VBC: I love the gut check. It can be such a tricky line – when to step in and when to let people live their own lives. Some injustices cannot and should not be ignored. The gut check always identified which are which.
Jenn
/ January 20, 2010When I lived in my previous house, my husband and I would listen to the family next door get into loud screaming matches at 4 am over who’s car was parked where. Sometimes the screaming matches would happen at night as well. We’d quietly stay in our bedroom and not say anything. It was easier that way.
Well, one night another screaming match was going on around 11 or so. But this one involved loud banging, like things being thrown or people being shoved into walls. I was afraid someone was going to get seriously hurt, so we decided to call the cops – anonymously. They came and the fight ended.
A few weeks later the noise ceased. I found out the daughter who was the cause of all the problems had gone away to school.
That call I made to the cops was the first and only I’ve made of it’s kind. I don’t like to stick my nose in other people’s business, especially if it’s just yelling. Afterall a healty fight is good every onced in awhile. But when the fighting continues over and over, and things start to be thrown or people start to be pushed or hit, I think it’s time to make a call. And yet, I still make the call anonymously.
emmajames
/ January 20, 2010Jenn: Welcome to PN, chica! Sometimes staying anonymous is the safest choice, sometimes it is impossible to keep that distance. As long as the call gets made, though, that’s what matters.
Nancy
/ January 21, 2010One time when I was walking into my job at a community college, I saw a college aged male trying to “talk” to a young woman. He had her pinned against the handicapped ramp railing, between his arms. She was trying to get out of his trap and get into the building to her class. I saw this and just walked over to them and basically told him to knock it off and let her go, that she didn’t want to talk to him now. He did and she scurried into the building. I semi-scurried in along with her. Once inside I thought to myself that I had possibly done a very dumb and unsafe thing. My own children were college aged at the time and I did not stop to think, I went into “mom mode”! Safe inside, I alerted the instructor of the incident and she called campus security.
I have never been faced with another situation like this. Next time I may be smarter and safer about my actions though!
Regardless, I felt like I did the right and brave thing. I felt proud that I had helped her.
emmajames
/ January 22, 2010Nancy: You followed your instincts and spoke your truth – that is entirely commendable. I’m so glad you recognize what you did as right, brave and worthy of the best kind of pride. Thank you for sharing your story! And welcome to PN!
Kate T.W.
/ January 21, 2010I use my intuition too, though I’m grateful that all of the fights I’ve heard in my apartment building seem to be of the verbal only kind. That can be a tough call. The entrance to the building feels vulnerable at night. We don’t have a doorman. Late one night a young woman was coming home from a bar and two men followed her. The forced their way into the building and started to assault her in the lobby. A man who lives on the first floor heard the noise and called the cops, but before they got there he fought the men off. This happened several years ago, and I’m still so in awe that a neighbor put his life in danger to help someone that way. His bravery inspires me. I’d like to think I’d do the same– though I’d have to throw some cast iron pots or something… Inspired by Nancy’s comment above, too. Mom mode is powerful.
.-= Kate T.W.´s last blog ..Better Git It In Your Soul =-.
emmajames
/ January 22, 2010Kate: Just goes to show that cast iron pots are a necessary appliance in any household – they not only make food much more delicious, but they might just save a life!
In all seriousness, thank you for sharing your experience and kudos to your neighbor. My heart goes out to that young woman and anyone else whose sense of safety is shatter by violence of any kind.